Top search 2008

As you are in threshold of 2007, waiting to export your mind, body, soul, arse, eyes, ears and such other such bodily and mindly appurtenances to 2008, you may be highly motivated to find out the top search for 2008. If you are thinking that 2008 has not yet began, and how could DiDo write about 2008's top search ; think again & transport your line of vision half an inch below.

When I assigned a job to google search engine with the keywords "2008 hot", it slothily gave a list of yawn producing, disastrously suicide causing, absolutely bland-as-a-sauceless-spaghetti search answers that failed to instigate any spark in my new-year-awaiting-refreshed-thinkbox..

I seriously think that you must click on the image for a better preview...

But, as a sensitive, highly home-loving, desperately idiosyncracy exhibiting, blogger who doesnot want to disappoint climacteric readers who eagerly await a newyear 'hot' search, I hereby present 2008's most Hottest search .

Specially made for mommas or people who are fathers to children whose momma have a jarring red lipstick

Benefits of the product: 1) can scare away tinytots or even silence thier continuous caterwauling temperaments 2) Is a subject of vanity for the owner to brag about 'Hot 2008' search product under her or his wife's ownership.

-DiDo ('YOUR EXOTIC BROWN AUTHOR')

I fixed it..I fixed the gift of pure parental love

People, I am feeling a father who just saw his son recover from a fatal life threatening accident. Yes! I fixed the christmas present I broke. It was a parental gift, which holds so much water to me, since am away from home..Sobs...!


I would like to recommend this product to you:

(though it costed me 3 euros and 15 cents for just freaking 3 grams....)


But look at what it did...It fixed the sign of parental love ...(I also like always, I ended up spilling the resin in my fingers, and that would not come out even after constant scrubbing....Also it made me impossible to eat my indian food with the way its traditionally eaten...that is using God Given hands..)

-DiDo ('YOUR EXOTIC BROWN AUTHOR')

Clumsy Confessions

The amount of catastrophe I cause around me is just too abnormal. And the past 1 week it has been quite enhanced (holiday special mess). It started like this: I dropped a whole tub of vanilla-caramel icecream, I broke a christmas gift (I felt really sad, but am gonna fix it with superglue- also I am really scared cause I may break it further while fixing), I spilled the wine and got my socks and edge of my pillow stained, I did a host of other similar things, besides my usual routine of spilling food on my dress and knocking a full glass of milk/ice tea while protecting my laptop and my spectacles . But all this kept me busy as I had to clean the mess also.

If you wanna know how it is like to have me around, you can see this movie: 'Good luck chuck', the behaviour of the mammal Jessica Alba.

"The icecream is melting, but it feels nice and gooey.."

-DiDo ('YOUR EXOTIC BROWN AUTHOR')

Mistakes you mustnot commit when trying to lure women..

(series 1)

I know you guys always wanted to know this, so read on and apply it in your life to attract the female gender (or atleast following these may help you from getting repelled by females). Now, STOP biting your nails and read on:

• stop biting your nails
• stop scratching your whatever...
• try to improve ur poetry skills (if you dont even have an iota of them, then you must join a crash course thats teaches you to mug up some initial phrases)
• never compare your girl to a weed, but you can compare her to a flower..(women seem to hate the poor weeds..)..

But in case u compared her to weeds before reading this tip, dont worry its NEVER TOO LATE:

Oh poor men, men..I need to remove the tip due to some requests..But dont worry , u will find more next time..

Disclaimer: the author writer doesnot know how girls may react to satire, despite the author belonging to the glorified feminine gender

-DiDo ('YOUR EXOTIC BROWN AUTHOR')

Cursing without the "F" word...

Welcome to this series. Fellow earthlings-desperate-to-curse, it is possible to curse without the 'F' word. I realise how the 'F' word had made us so dependent on it, just like we are so dependent on certain things in life like the dearly feeling of iPod stuck to your ears (even if it is out of battery) or a piece of chewing gum that so dearly adheres to the inner mucus layer of your jaw..

Lets show the 'F' word, that we can do without it (What the 'f***'). This series begins with an Australian inclination. (I just saw pictures of kangaroos, koalas and tortoises from my friend who had been to Aus recently..Always when u show me pictures, my brain lights up only if I find any non-human biotic being...hence...)

1. If the victim you want to hurl your curse in form of verbal spillings, has a nice round tummy, you can always get ready and let out this phrase as a blasphemy: 'Hey, you kangaroo-pouched-piece-of-meatbone' or something so outrageously australian.

2. Or you may refer to a tough-bummed piece of crap you always wanted to curse as a one with 'koala like-glue-in-your-arse-making-you-stick-on-the-tree'

I think this helped a little. I am so excited to try it on someone. So, try it. Who knows, it may work. But before you try read the health tip.

Health tip: For curse 1, eat 7 more cornflakes (earlier for each "F" word you used, you had to gobble only 1 cornflake extra than your human-survival serving) For curse 2, eat 12 more cornflakes.

Precaution tip: To avail the maximum benefits, make sure that specimen you are about to curse knows that such exotic fauna exists in australia. It always helps the society if you educate an ignorant. For your convineance, we have provided the picture of koala as a teaching tool.

Disclaimer: To the monsters-jus-waiting-to-curse and just in their adolescence, learning-new-curse-to-flaunt-to-their pals: This is not a prurient/lewd/x-rated site. Sorry to disappoint you.

- DiDo ('YOUR EXOTIC BROWN AUTHOR')

Your author's time for herself

'self-grooming-and-effects'

A shot of self-love practised regularly definitely helps. There are times in one's life, when he/she is left to become a lazy bum ignored by the oh-so-lovely friends and relatives. Mostly after a breakup or when your boyfriend is away to maroon in an island just 2 kms to the north of arctic ocean, where internet lines (if at all they existed) were frozen beneath a large dinosaur size glacier. You cease to be in contact and you start looking into 'your' life. Do you have a pending haircut or a broken nail or a novel awaiting? Start indulging. You are not anymore bound to commitments, you can just live for yourself.

The author DiDo decided to demonstrate this strategy to you. Start by making oh-so-lovely profile pictures of yourself. It always works with a few simple ingredients. (nothing is optional, follow strictly)

Ingredients:

1) a mirror

2) a curse directly visible through reflection on your mirror (psychologically makes females feel good)

3) a 3.5 megapixel mobile camera/ anything that can capture images

4) photo enhancing tool like 'picasa'

What DiDo did? 'I love myself...'

(click on the above image to closely look at the effects of PICASA...)

'How did the duck react to the picture?' (he is still alive..)

Well, go and park yourself infront of the mirror after combing your hair if its too frizzy or you look drunk. Do that thing that your IWDEOTS (I-was-dependent-emotionally-on-this-specimen) hates. Maybe a crazy shade of blush or something like that. Then click a nice foto (with the curse visible). Transfer it to your computer, and edit using picasa. Add that glow, and that warm effect and all that.

LOVE YOURSELF..

Send pictures of your 'self-grooming-and-effects' to your author, so she can post it and make women in such desperate situations feel better. *

PS: you can also post pictures of a dog's emotional stress on seeing your picture

-DiDo ('YOUR EXOTIC BROWN AUTHOR')

'Watch this space intently for upcoming DiDo's Doodad part 2.. '

-the way to dash out for shopping with a (no)sense...

Watch:

" ......................................................................................................................."

--DiDo ('YOUR EXOTIC BROWN AUTHOR')